


Anxiety Fears

by beaxhbxtch



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, M/M, Soft Boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 04:24:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17237375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beaxhbxtch/pseuds/beaxhbxtch
Summary: Tonight wasn't Jisung's worst, not even close at that fact, but it was still bad. Some nights Jisung could feel his breath shortening with a tightening in his chest; his legs becoming numb and growing weak, the rest of his limbs the following suit. Some nights he would cry until no sound could escape his lips any longer. But after each of those nights, he would always find himself curling up into the arms of one of his best friends, Na Jaemin.





	Anxiety Fears

Jisung wasn't a very social person. Sure he was kind and had friends he talked to everyday, but he hated being social with strangers, instead, he preferred to be cooped up on his own, but tonight was different. He had gone out to a party with a majority of people from his school, both complete strangers and classmates. He figured tonight was going to be different- he promised himself he was going to build up the courage to confront as engage in conversations with people. Sure, it was a great goal, but when he arrived nobody cared enough to even acknowledge his presence which shattered all the courage he had previously built up. Immediately he scanned the room for any empty space and with luck, found a quiet, dimly lit corner with a stool. After weaving through the thick sea of people, Jisung sat on the stool and began scrolling through his phone, out of habit.

After being seated at the stool for over an hour, Jisung put his phone back in the pocket of his pullover hoodie and lightly bit down on his bottom lip. Looking around the room, he noticed just how drunk and lame everyone looked; they were making complete fools out of themselves. Jisung was glad that he was stubborn enough to not want to drink until he became an adult, but at the same time looking at the thick crowds of drunken teens was making his anxiety sky-rocket.

Taking a deep, shaky breath Jisung placed his jittering hands in the small gap between his thighs, crossed his ankles, and looked down at his ripped jeans. He changed his mind, he didn't want to be here, he wanted to go home, he wanted to be alone in the darkness of his own room. Taking another short breath, Jisung pulled his phone out again and texted one of his hyung's to pick him up.

Within a few minutes, Taeyong had arrived and walked inside to help Jisung through the crowd of alcoholic teenagers. He knew Jisung had terrible social anxiety and knew the only way Jisung was getting home was if he went in a grabbed him himself. Jisung relaxed his muscles once his hand gripped Taeyong's, he knew he was finally going to be free and was grateful for the older boy coming to help him out of the building.

"Stupid teenagers," Taeyong muttered, pulling Jisung in to his side when they reached the fresh scent of the chilled night air.

"Your telling me, hyung." Jisung replied walking alongside the older male.

A small smile grew on Taeyong's face as he felt Jisung's body relaxing in his arms as the young boy reached for the handle of the car door. Taeyong ran a quick hand through the boy's soft hair before leaving to the opposite side of the vehicle.

"Feeling any better," Taeyong asked as he buckled himself in. Jisung nodded in response, closing his eyes and leaning back against the seat. Jisung took other deep breath as he felt the vehicle starting to move beneath him, a wave of relief rushing over him.

Tonight wasn't Jisung's worst, not even close at that fact, but it was still bad. Some nights Jisung could feel his breath shortening with a tightening in his chest; his legs becoming numb and growing weak, the rest of his limbs following suit. Some nights he would cry until no sound could escape his lips any longer. But after each of those nights, he would always find himself curling up into the arms of one of his best friends, Na Jaemin. Jaemin understood Jisung and would easily go out of his own way to make Jisung feel positively about anything. He was yet a mere friend, just any other body he lived with, but Jisung saw more than that in Jaemin. He saw Jaemin as a source of comfort, a companion, someone he wished to spend more of his life with than not. Without Jaemin, Jisung was just another person with issues people couldn't imagine having, another body, another typical city boy with dreams that were far from coming true. At this point in his life, Jisung couldn't even bear to think of how his life would be without Jaemin, or any of his other hyungs; they had basically raised him, watching him grow older with them as the years flew by. Tonight was yet to be another night Jisung was going to spend cradled in Jaemin's arms, in the warmth and comfort Jaemin provided.

"Jisung," Taeyong spoke, gently shaking the boy's shoulder, "we're back at the dorm."

"Okay." Came a mutter as Jisung opened his eyes and stretched to his best ability in the cramped vehicle.

Jisung stepped up and out of the vehicle only to find Taeyong waiting to escort him inside. Falling back against Taeyong's side offered another type of warmth, one different from Jaemin's. Instead it was a parental warmth- one that you would typically gain from your mother- and Jisung always accepted it as if Taeyong was a parental figure towards him.  
"Thank you, hyung." Jisung said as he walked tightly alongside the older boy.

"Your welcome, Jisung," Taeyong spoke, gently rubbing his hand against Jisung's frail arm, "And next time you need picked up just call me again, I'd gladly come get you."

Jisung looked up at Taeyong and hummed in response. Taeyong offered a gentle smile which Jisung returned as the reached the door to their dorm.

Upon walking inside, Jisung left Taeyong's warmth once more as the two removed their shoes.

"Jaemin's upstairs in his room," Taeyong spoke, taking a step out of the porch. In pursuit Jisung followed. "If you need anything just call me, I'll be awake."

"Okay," Jisung slightly smiled, "thanks, hyung."

"Anytime Jisung."

With that, Jisung took off to find Jaemin. After jogging up the stairs and down the hall Jisung came to halt before twisting the knob and pushing open the door enough to slip in before closing it behind him.

"Jisung-ah," a friendly voice spoke, "come here."

Jisung's body calmed as he walked closer to the bed. Jaemin opened his arms as Jisung sat on the mattress, welcoming him for a big hug. Jisung crawled over the mound of blankets and sat on Jaemin's lap when it was found.

"How was the party?" Jaemin asked engulfing Jisung's body with his own, sharing his warmth.

"Same as they usually would be," Jisung started, "loud music, drunken teenagers, the list could go on."

Jaemin sighed and rested his chin atop Jisung's head, "So I guess you were sitting alone then?"

Jisung nodded in response, "No one acknowledged me when I showed up so I sat alone and my anxiety started up again."

Jaemin rested his cheek on Jisung's head and embraced the boy tighter.

Jaemin hated hearing that Jisung's anxiety had been triggered. It shattered his heart knowing that the fragile boy in his arms could easily slip away from his grasp with only one trigger- a fatal one- and it scared him. Every time Jisung were to have an anxiety attack Jaemin wished he was next to him to soothe him. Jisung could easily sense Jaemin's fear for him; each time he brought up an attack, mild or extreme, Jaemin would grow silent and pull him in tighter. He knew Jaemin was scared of losing him, he knew it better than anyone.

"But i-it was hardly noticeable," Jisung now sat on the verge of falling from Jaemin's grasp, looking at him as he looked down in fear, "I-I barely felt anything!" Jisung now spoke louder than he needed to, breaking free from Jaemin's warmth and supporting himself with his own arms.

"Jisung please," Jaemin mumbled reaching a hand out to feel the other boy- any part of him at all, "that's why I'm scared." 

Jisung stared at Jaemin in shock as the older boy rested a delicate hand on Jisung's thin thigh.

"I can't lose you." Jaemin continued to look down at his lap, quivering as tears present from his tone now threatened to run down his cheeks.

Jisung didn't know what to do so he stared. Jaemin had never reached a point where he was on the verge of tears with Jisung, in fact, he had never shown many signs of his fear at all. Suddenly, Jisung lost control of himself and leaned forward, tightly wrapping his arms around Jaemin who weakly returned the favour and buried his face in to the name of Jisung's neck. Jaemin then cried in his arms, taking small, short breaths as rested the cheek against Jaemin's shoulder and slowly drew gentle circles on his back.

"I'm so sorry, Jisung," Jaemin sobbed against Jisung's collar.

"It alright," Jisung replied in a comforting tone, similar to the one Jaemin often used, "I'll always be right here."


End file.
